I’m in Colorado Springs, sitting at the Pikes Peak Community College. I’m waiting for my boyfriend to get out of class. I only have another hour and a half to wait. It’s been such an amazing visit. I got here October 17 and am leaving October 21. When I was leaving the apartment, my mom wouldn’t talk to me because she doesn’t want me to visit him. She said I only promised to visit later in December, which ain’t true. I’m glad she and I aren’t talking. It’s just easier. I know it won’t last on her part.
I’m also glad my dad moved in with us about a week or two ago. We play billiards a lot. He’s so fucking good at it. He teaches me how to make the angles and how to cut the ball. I like that he’s home when I get back from school. He’s good company. It’s much easier to talk to him compared to my mom. I can barely talk to my mom because she just wants to yell at me or complain about life or talk about the things that need to be done. There’s never a “hey, how was your day?”
I recently got a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign completely. So I’m worried about getting convicted for my hit-n-run. I’m on three supervisions (two for hit-n-run, and one for speeding over 20 mph). You can only have two supervisions in a year, which is what I have because that rule counts the supervisions by how many cases there are. But now that I got another ticket on supervision, I feel like I’m fucked. I know it’s not the biggest deal if I get convicted. It’s a traffic misdemeanor. But ugh, it really bothers me. I don’t know why I cry about it so much. I can’t do anything about it and it’s not like I did it on purpose. I’m learning from my mistakes and that’s all I can do. So I know I need to move on and do my best. Worrying when you can’t do anything is pointless.
My mom and her two sisters are going to visit the fourth sister in Boulder, CO because she is not doing well. My mom was supposed to leave the day I come home to Chicago. But she got the dates mixed up and she’s actually leaving the day after I come, which sucks. I thought I wouldn’t have to see her. But it’s whatever. It’s only one day. My aunt in Boulder almost got divorced and she’s been struggling with the relationship. She treats her husband like a dog and it’s funny because she has two dogs. She literally tells her hubby that he’s in the dog house because she doesn’t want to hear him talk. I used to live with them for a year. It sucked ass. She’s so mean, controlling, selfish, and unaware. I know she loves me and cares for me, but it’s not enough. She treated me horribly. She would time my showers and make me clean the bathroom (which is fine) but not when I had to do it after she bathed her dogs in MY shower. She’s such a bitch. But now finally because of the almost divorce, she’s realized how controlling and anal she is. The day I was going to Chicago for a visit my sophomore year, her husband left her. He just left the house for work and never came back. He stayed at a friend of his who drinks a lot. My aunt’s husband called her and told her over the phone that he was leaving her, which is so fucked up. He’s partly to blame too because he made her feel alone. He made her feel uncared for. He would ignore her and she’s the one who moved away from Chicago and left her family so he could have his dream job in Colorado. He’s a bastard too. He acts like a baby. He has a good heart, but again, that’s just not good enough.
It’s sad to think that I know not one relationship that is so pure and loving and “perfect.” The closest one I know is mine and my boyfriend’s. I love him so much and I know he loves me the same. We love each other in different ways. I’m really clingy and affectionate and talkative. And he’s affectionate too but more on the quiet, nerdy, and protective side. I like our dynamic. It works so well. We both get what we need and want from each other. He needs me to need him, and I need him to always be there for me. We both do those things for each other, but it’s not as much. He’s good at some things, and I’m good at some things. And he sucks at some things, and I suck at some things. But one of the best things about us is that we always work on our “issues.” We communicate our feelings and thoughts so things don’t get bad.
alwayswantingtogrow 